I had hoped that your silence here meant you were in Sweden, having a lovely time with your daughter and son-in-law. It's rotten that you've been so unwell, Rita, but I'm glad to hear you're starting to feel better.
"I might . . . just pick up things around the house that have wandered away from their usual places and call it good." I've always found this a very comforting thing to do.
We in Canada are collectively feeling battered, but we seem to be mostly pulling together, which is the one bright spot in all of this craziness.
I will be visiting Sweden soon! It will be nice to see their life, and to take a little break from the US. I'm glad to hear that Canadians are pulling together (and apologize, always, for the role Americans have played in making that necessary). Oh, how I'd love to see that here, around things that are kind and make good sense.
So sorry to hear you have been feeling unwell - everything you say here is wise and now that it's in print you can refer to it again to remind yourself, though hopefully not for a long, long time. Welcome back!
Thank you, Sue 🙂 I hope I won't need these words again for awhile, but these are lessons I seem to get to keep relearning. Hopefully, a little more each go-round.
I'm glad you've had a few days free from migraines. Take your joy where you can find it.
I agree: "In fact, maybe you don’t have to do any of the things right now." That's exactly where I am in my thinking about EVERYTHING. I'm living my life one step at a time and will get to appropriate levels of outrage when I'm ready. We're all pushed from all angles anymore.
I'm back to doing some of the things (and so glad I can), but it was a revelation to realize I could just...not. At least for a little while. I've always been able to power through things, and it was disorienting to realize I couldn't. And then the world kept spinning. Even my little tiny one. I think we're all getting opportunities to evaluate what really matters to us. Because no one can respond to everything in the current onslaught.
Oh, friend, I really wish we lived closer. I’m in tears because I can relate to so much of this. I understand how you feel, and I just want to hug you. It's okay, it’s okay.
My name is Kari, and I've been shopping at Walmart because it's easier and affordable. I’ve been dealing with migraines, still grieving, and caring for my mom, who broke her shoulder. I'm also supporting someone who’s going through mental health struggles. Life is so hard, and sometimes I’m just tired of hearing about all the places I need to boycott. I want to help, but I also need help.
I feel that hug, Kari! "I want to help, but I also need help." So true for so many! Your writing and curating helps me, every time. We will figure out how to live in our constantly-evolving world/lives. We'll figure it out together. Sending you love.
You are not alone, and I badly needed a pep talk, and some practical advice about grieving. I've mentioned in the blog that my husband is ...having issues. Well, it's worse. And despite about 4 years of cues that his mind is slipping, I'm completely blind-sided. And not up to this, at least not all at once right now. I needed someone to say, "It's all right to cry." And nap. Your posts always have this uncanny way of hitting the mark for me. Love you. Bethany
Oh, Bethany. I am so sorry. Having recently been blind-sided by something that now seems should have been obvious, I understand. The surprise intensifies the impact of the situation so much. I hope you have support, or can build a network of support. I've been watching my mom travel the path you are on, and I know it is exhausting and painful. Caregivers need care, too. Glad these words could help a little. (I almost kept them to myself.) Sending you much love. I know how strong you are. Wish you didn't have to be.
I'm glad you've been gentle with yourself during this hard time, listening to your body, and I hope you're feeling better all around – at least in some moments. But if you're not, you know what to do, you've written it here!
I've also been lacking pep – pepped out, but also starting to come out of the fog. On the weekend I reached out to a family member I've been estranged from but who has been on my mind. It's a relationship I'm hoping to repair, slowly, as I'm ready. We've begun a communication exchange – I think it's time for another try. At the same time, I've come to a hard realization about my birth mother which I'll likely write about soon.
I've been thinking about hope and how it can be productive and helpful and positive, but also sometimes just too heavy. Is it strange to say I think I need to put down some of what I hope for (not expectation, but hope)?
Thinking of you, Rita, and here with you in your need for a little unpressured pep.
Thank you, Tracey--I'm feeling quite a bit better, at least on the health and personal fronts. (The national front, not so much.) Your situation with your family member and thoughts about hope have me thinking of another book I read recently, also on the recommendation of my therapist. It's a book about understanding and coping with emotionally immature parents (but applies to any relationship with an emotionally immature person). One thing I found really helpful is a suggestion to let go of hopes/expectations for a different kind of relationship with them. It seems so counter to most standard relationship advice, but hoping for something that is not possible is a sure path to suffering. We can always hope that the person might change, but it's healthier not to hope for a changed relationship if the person remains the same. I found that distinction so helpful. Acceptance is part of grieving, and in that way I see it as a very hope-filled thing. And it's something that can actually make the relationship better, even if the person doesn't/can't change--because your expectations are more aligned with reality. You stop fighting battles you can't win. That's a reason for hope, too. This stuff is nuanced and a little tricky!
Thinking of you, too. I'm looking forward to reading more about your birth mother and your journey to integrate new knowledge into your understanding of who you are, when you're ready to write and share it. Take care 💚
I've been trying to let go of expectations in my relationships with my parents, but it's hard. I'm working on giving myself what none of my parents could give me, to release the hurt that is there, but the wounds run deep and it's not been easy. I'm tired of having to be the parent, and of not being accepted for who I am, you know? Time to get back to therapy again I think!
I do know. I was pissed to find myself back in therapy again, but now I'm thankful for it. We've got some hard stuff ahead of us, and I know this is getting me in better shape to meet it, whenever and however it comes. Thinking of you and hoping you know you're not alone in it.
I needed this! I also feel the grocery store should- tug, but last week, as I filled my online shopping cart with ingredients for things we love to eat, I realized I could not be certain I would have the will to cook when the time came, or before they spoiled. So, we had Chipotle one night, pizza another, coasted on that carton of soup and salad ingredients someone else picked up at the store for me.
It is hard to step back from the things that have always given me a sense of control because it means I will have to admit I am not really in control. It is also hard because I fear I will get used to all the, what? Ease? Asking for help?… and never go back. But, maybe this moment, like yours, it is showing me that the world did not end when I did not make dinner, or when I told my husband and kid they are getting themselves out the door tomorrow.
In no-more-should solidarity. May each day feel better and better on the health front, and I can’t wait for stories from Sweden !! Xoxo
Control, love, care; those things can mingle together, no? But not always in a bad way. I can’t always decipher the line from caring (for myself, for others) into controlling in an unhealthy way. But I do know there’s lots of grey area, and there’s no one right way to tend to ourselves when we feel out of control, as Rita pointed out.
I hope you do get used to asking for help. Lots of folks are ready to say yes.
Oh, yes. You're hitting on something really important. Control and sense of purpose. It was so hard to let go of both, but I saw necessary things in letting them go. It was good to see that I don't need to have such a tight grip on my world. Control is comfort, for me. It's how so many of us helped ourselves feel safe with situations that were absolutely not in our control. But like any strategy or strength, it works counter to our purposes when we can't temper it, keep it in its rightful place. Here's to hoping that both you and I find more of that in our respective journeys. xoxo back at ya.
When I was grieving but things got stuck—I told my therapist I was worried I was numb, and she said, listen to music and I was like, “duh” and also “I feel seen”—so, I would listen to The Prayer of St, Francis by Sarah McLachlan and it would evoke a good ugly cry every time, especially if I tried to sing along. I’m not Catholic (was raised by one); not even religious. But boy howdy that song. However the release comes. Plus, you know I’m down for rewatching Greg’s Anatomy!
Rita, I am so sorry you’ve been going through such a hard time. Grieving is both hard and soft work. You’ve made yourself supple for all of it & shared your wisdom which I so appreciate. I have had sudden severe debilitating low back pain for the first time in my life (to this extent) and had to forego a longed-for trip to Machu Picchu & Chile. Today on my Living in 3D Substack I shared the lessons that are coming to me as well from this experience & my body finally saying Enough! Take care of me! After an emotional couple of years of divorce & caregiving. I especially resonated with this: ‘These are all reasonable things to want when your body has decided that it has had enough of how your mind is handling your life. So I gave my body what it wanted, trusting that if I did that, eventually my body would once again let my conscious mind hold the reins of our existence. ‘ My body wants rest and healing and for me to loosen my grip on control and to slow way down. I am listening. Thanks for sharing your life & heart with us, Rita.
It is so full of great resources! I do not have time to dig in and respond there this morning, but I'm looking forward to returning to it later. I'm so sorry you did not get to take your trip! In 2022, I had a very similar episode of back pain, also before a planned trip. That was the beginning of my journey into learning about and understanding chronic pain and the role that our nervous systems play in it. It's been transformative. It has helped me endure this long bout of forced rest. You have been through so much, it is no surprise that your body is asking for (demanding 🙂) care and rest. Wishing you all the best, and plenty of good rest. Thank you for sharing your experience here.
Thank you Rita, how kind of you to share the link to my Substack and I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts on it. I am sorry for your own bout of back pain and experience of chronic pain, yes it’s so tied to our nervous system and our emotions. I would love to know more about the specific resources you found that helped with your understanding of this. Rest and heal well!
I needed this yesterday but found it in my inbox this morning and I’m thinking that maybe it was the universe’s way of letting me have my full fall apart yesterday before assuaging my guilt that I cannot just keep running hither and yon. My cracks are showing.
You don’t need me to give you permission, but you can take a break and should and I’m glad you are (even if it is mostly bodily imposed. I have that kind of body too. Maybe we all do?!?) This is the work of community and the beauty of that is we get to give when we have it to give and others give when we cannot.
Could you share the title of the book you mentioned on grief? I’m developing quite a collection and should really try reading some of them. Instead I leave them on my shelves as if I can absorb the knowledge through osmosis. But I’d like to add my collection when I can.
Sending you so much love, Rita. I am grateful for you!
I'm glad this writing came when you needed it, and thank you for letting me know that you did. (I felt a little funny about hitting "publish" on this one. Your feedback will help me be brave the next time I feel that way.)
The book on grief is David Kessler's Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. I am about half-way through. He is focused primarily on grieving death, but I am finding it helpful for working through other kinds of losses, too. I'm working with therapists who are using principles of narrative therapy, and this book enhances that approach. I'm finding it powerful and empowering to consider and change the stories I tell myself (and sometimes others) about things that have happened and are happening. I think we are all grieving right now; the world as many of us long knew it is gone. I read a beautiful essay this morning by Elissa Altman (https://poormansfeast.substack.com/p/the-distraction-of-grief), in which she references "moments of profound, systemic, national grief the likes of which many of us are experiencing for the first time in our lives." I love her exploration of the difference between sustenance and self-care; you might, too.
Sending you all the love, too, Kate. I'm so grateful that we found each other is easier times, so that we could have each other now.
I think all of your takeaways, lessons, re-lessons, whatever we're calling them, are right on the money. And you are doing what's right for you not from a place of entitlement but from an awareness of what your body is telling you (screaming at you) to focus on right now. This isn't apathy or insensitivity. It's self-preservation.
I hope the healing continues to move the way you want it to move. Grey's Anatomy is practically the only tv series I can say I've watched and enjoyed, so both thumbs up for your Derek, Meredith, Christina (et al) therapy! And hugs for you.
Your link made me smile! And thank you for making a distinction between apathy/insensitivity and self-preservation. I knew that while in the dregs, but it's nice to get confirmation from a trusted other. I watched Grey's the first few years it was on, but fell off somewhere before George died. Up to season 6 now. It feels very soapy, but I was an OG All My Children fan, so...it's a fit. 🙂
I'm glad you've found clarity and some equilibrium - but sad you've had to have such a tough time getting there. I've missed your writing xx I hope things do get better (or at least less bad) soon xx
What a perfect list of things that seem simple but are so hard to do in terms of treating yourself well and protecting your energy. I will keep this for reference, every day is a new challenge of late. ♥️
I'm so sorry for the new challenges. (I'm getting more practice myself. Migraine back. It was a nice 6 days without it. It is hard to put these principles into practice.)
Sorry to hear you've been so ill. Glad your words are flowing again.
Thank you, Peg. Words are not exactly flowing, but there are some and I'm grateful for that. 🙂
I had hoped that your silence here meant you were in Sweden, having a lovely time with your daughter and son-in-law. It's rotten that you've been so unwell, Rita, but I'm glad to hear you're starting to feel better.
"I might . . . just pick up things around the house that have wandered away from their usual places and call it good." I've always found this a very comforting thing to do.
We in Canada are collectively feeling battered, but we seem to be mostly pulling together, which is the one bright spot in all of this craziness.
I will be visiting Sweden soon! It will be nice to see their life, and to take a little break from the US. I'm glad to hear that Canadians are pulling together (and apologize, always, for the role Americans have played in making that necessary). Oh, how I'd love to see that here, around things that are kind and make good sense.
Oh, wonderful! I hope you have a terrific time, Rita :)
Good to see you in my inbox, Rita. Continue to take good care. 💕
Thank you, Sue! You, too.
So sorry to hear you have been feeling unwell - everything you say here is wise and now that it's in print you can refer to it again to remind yourself, though hopefully not for a long, long time. Welcome back!
Thank you, Sue 🙂 I hope I won't need these words again for awhile, but these are lessons I seem to get to keep relearning. Hopefully, a little more each go-round.
I'm glad you've had a few days free from migraines. Take your joy where you can find it.
I agree: "In fact, maybe you don’t have to do any of the things right now." That's exactly where I am in my thinking about EVERYTHING. I'm living my life one step at a time and will get to appropriate levels of outrage when I'm ready. We're all pushed from all angles anymore.
I'm back to doing some of the things (and so glad I can), but it was a revelation to realize I could just...not. At least for a little while. I've always been able to power through things, and it was disorienting to realize I couldn't. And then the world kept spinning. Even my little tiny one. I think we're all getting opportunities to evaluate what really matters to us. Because no one can respond to everything in the current onslaught.
Oh, friend, I really wish we lived closer. I’m in tears because I can relate to so much of this. I understand how you feel, and I just want to hug you. It's okay, it’s okay.
My name is Kari, and I've been shopping at Walmart because it's easier and affordable. I’ve been dealing with migraines, still grieving, and caring for my mom, who broke her shoulder. I'm also supporting someone who’s going through mental health struggles. Life is so hard, and sometimes I’m just tired of hearing about all the places I need to boycott. I want to help, but I also need help.
You. Are. Not. Alone.
😘💜
I feel that hug, Kari! "I want to help, but I also need help." So true for so many! Your writing and curating helps me, every time. We will figure out how to live in our constantly-evolving world/lives. We'll figure it out together. Sending you love.
Where I am today is able to comment with emojis. And exhaling knowing I have this waiting for me when I surface. Be well, friend.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
What would we do without our emojis? 🤷🏼♀️ Sending you 💜 and ❤️ and wishes for easier days full of 🌸 🍰 🎈 Breathing is good. 🌬️
🌟❤️🌈
💜🍦🧘♀️🌼🍨❤️
❤️🌟
🪩✨🐶🎶📖
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🎀
You are not alone, and I badly needed a pep talk, and some practical advice about grieving. I've mentioned in the blog that my husband is ...having issues. Well, it's worse. And despite about 4 years of cues that his mind is slipping, I'm completely blind-sided. And not up to this, at least not all at once right now. I needed someone to say, "It's all right to cry." And nap. Your posts always have this uncanny way of hitting the mark for me. Love you. Bethany
Oh, Bethany. I am so sorry. Having recently been blind-sided by something that now seems should have been obvious, I understand. The surprise intensifies the impact of the situation so much. I hope you have support, or can build a network of support. I've been watching my mom travel the path you are on, and I know it is exhausting and painful. Caregivers need care, too. Glad these words could help a little. (I almost kept them to myself.) Sending you much love. I know how strong you are. Wish you didn't have to be.
I'm glad you've been gentle with yourself during this hard time, listening to your body, and I hope you're feeling better all around – at least in some moments. But if you're not, you know what to do, you've written it here!
I've also been lacking pep – pepped out, but also starting to come out of the fog. On the weekend I reached out to a family member I've been estranged from but who has been on my mind. It's a relationship I'm hoping to repair, slowly, as I'm ready. We've begun a communication exchange – I think it's time for another try. At the same time, I've come to a hard realization about my birth mother which I'll likely write about soon.
I've been thinking about hope and how it can be productive and helpful and positive, but also sometimes just too heavy. Is it strange to say I think I need to put down some of what I hope for (not expectation, but hope)?
Thinking of you, Rita, and here with you in your need for a little unpressured pep.
Thank you, Tracey--I'm feeling quite a bit better, at least on the health and personal fronts. (The national front, not so much.) Your situation with your family member and thoughts about hope have me thinking of another book I read recently, also on the recommendation of my therapist. It's a book about understanding and coping with emotionally immature parents (but applies to any relationship with an emotionally immature person). One thing I found really helpful is a suggestion to let go of hopes/expectations for a different kind of relationship with them. It seems so counter to most standard relationship advice, but hoping for something that is not possible is a sure path to suffering. We can always hope that the person might change, but it's healthier not to hope for a changed relationship if the person remains the same. I found that distinction so helpful. Acceptance is part of grieving, and in that way I see it as a very hope-filled thing. And it's something that can actually make the relationship better, even if the person doesn't/can't change--because your expectations are more aligned with reality. You stop fighting battles you can't win. That's a reason for hope, too. This stuff is nuanced and a little tricky!
Thinking of you, too. I'm looking forward to reading more about your birth mother and your journey to integrate new knowledge into your understanding of who you are, when you're ready to write and share it. Take care 💚
I'm so glad you're feeling better!
I've been trying to let go of expectations in my relationships with my parents, but it's hard. I'm working on giving myself what none of my parents could give me, to release the hurt that is there, but the wounds run deep and it's not been easy. I'm tired of having to be the parent, and of not being accepted for who I am, you know? Time to get back to therapy again I think!
I do know. I was pissed to find myself back in therapy again, but now I'm thankful for it. We've got some hard stuff ahead of us, and I know this is getting me in better shape to meet it, whenever and however it comes. Thinking of you and hoping you know you're not alone in it.
❤️
I needed this! I also feel the grocery store should- tug, but last week, as I filled my online shopping cart with ingredients for things we love to eat, I realized I could not be certain I would have the will to cook when the time came, or before they spoiled. So, we had Chipotle one night, pizza another, coasted on that carton of soup and salad ingredients someone else picked up at the store for me.
It is hard to step back from the things that have always given me a sense of control because it means I will have to admit I am not really in control. It is also hard because I fear I will get used to all the, what? Ease? Asking for help?… and never go back. But, maybe this moment, like yours, it is showing me that the world did not end when I did not make dinner, or when I told my husband and kid they are getting themselves out the door tomorrow.
In no-more-should solidarity. May each day feel better and better on the health front, and I can’t wait for stories from Sweden !! Xoxo
Control, love, care; those things can mingle together, no? But not always in a bad way. I can’t always decipher the line from caring (for myself, for others) into controlling in an unhealthy way. But I do know there’s lots of grey area, and there’s no one right way to tend to ourselves when we feel out of control, as Rita pointed out.
I hope you do get used to asking for help. Lots of folks are ready to say yes.
😘
💜💜💜💜
Yes, we are!
Oh, yes. You're hitting on something really important. Control and sense of purpose. It was so hard to let go of both, but I saw necessary things in letting them go. It was good to see that I don't need to have such a tight grip on my world. Control is comfort, for me. It's how so many of us helped ourselves feel safe with situations that were absolutely not in our control. But like any strategy or strength, it works counter to our purposes when we can't temper it, keep it in its rightful place. Here's to hoping that both you and I find more of that in our respective journeys. xoxo back at ya.
Let’s eat all the lotus!! 😂🤪
When I was grieving but things got stuck—I told my therapist I was worried I was numb, and she said, listen to music and I was like, “duh” and also “I feel seen”—so, I would listen to The Prayer of St, Francis by Sarah McLachlan and it would evoke a good ugly cry every time, especially if I tried to sing along. I’m not Catholic (was raised by one); not even religious. But boy howdy that song. However the release comes. Plus, you know I’m down for rewatching Greg’s Anatomy!
I hugged my puppy for you. 💜🐶
Rita, I am so sorry you’ve been going through such a hard time. Grieving is both hard and soft work. You’ve made yourself supple for all of it & shared your wisdom which I so appreciate. I have had sudden severe debilitating low back pain for the first time in my life (to this extent) and had to forego a longed-for trip to Machu Picchu & Chile. Today on my Living in 3D Substack I shared the lessons that are coming to me as well from this experience & my body finally saying Enough! Take care of me! After an emotional couple of years of divorce & caregiving. I especially resonated with this: ‘These are all reasonable things to want when your body has decided that it has had enough of how your mind is handling your life. So I gave my body what it wanted, trusting that if I did that, eventually my body would once again let my conscious mind hold the reins of our existence. ‘ My body wants rest and healing and for me to loosen my grip on control and to slow way down. I am listening. Thanks for sharing your life & heart with us, Rita.
Amy, thank you for this, and I want to share the link to your recent post here: https://amybrown.substack.com/p/when-the-caregiver-becomes-the-patient
It is so full of great resources! I do not have time to dig in and respond there this morning, but I'm looking forward to returning to it later. I'm so sorry you did not get to take your trip! In 2022, I had a very similar episode of back pain, also before a planned trip. That was the beginning of my journey into learning about and understanding chronic pain and the role that our nervous systems play in it. It's been transformative. It has helped me endure this long bout of forced rest. You have been through so much, it is no surprise that your body is asking for (demanding 🙂) care and rest. Wishing you all the best, and plenty of good rest. Thank you for sharing your experience here.
Thank you Rita, how kind of you to share the link to my Substack and I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts on it. I am sorry for your own bout of back pain and experience of chronic pain, yes it’s so tied to our nervous system and our emotions. I would love to know more about the specific resources you found that helped with your understanding of this. Rest and heal well!
I needed this yesterday but found it in my inbox this morning and I’m thinking that maybe it was the universe’s way of letting me have my full fall apart yesterday before assuaging my guilt that I cannot just keep running hither and yon. My cracks are showing.
You don’t need me to give you permission, but you can take a break and should and I’m glad you are (even if it is mostly bodily imposed. I have that kind of body too. Maybe we all do?!?) This is the work of community and the beauty of that is we get to give when we have it to give and others give when we cannot.
Could you share the title of the book you mentioned on grief? I’m developing quite a collection and should really try reading some of them. Instead I leave them on my shelves as if I can absorb the knowledge through osmosis. But I’d like to add my collection when I can.
Sending you so much love, Rita. I am grateful for you!
I'm glad this writing came when you needed it, and thank you for letting me know that you did. (I felt a little funny about hitting "publish" on this one. Your feedback will help me be brave the next time I feel that way.)
The book on grief is David Kessler's Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. I am about half-way through. He is focused primarily on grieving death, but I am finding it helpful for working through other kinds of losses, too. I'm working with therapists who are using principles of narrative therapy, and this book enhances that approach. I'm finding it powerful and empowering to consider and change the stories I tell myself (and sometimes others) about things that have happened and are happening. I think we are all grieving right now; the world as many of us long knew it is gone. I read a beautiful essay this morning by Elissa Altman (https://poormansfeast.substack.com/p/the-distraction-of-grief), in which she references "moments of profound, systemic, national grief the likes of which many of us are experiencing for the first time in our lives." I love her exploration of the difference between sustenance and self-care; you might, too.
Sending you all the love, too, Kate. I'm so grateful that we found each other is easier times, so that we could have each other now.
Here you go, Rita. Make sure the sound is low or this might set off a new migraine, but I was thinking this on your behalf: https://www.instagram.com/alloftheabove777_official/reel/C8fxq5JR3km/?locale=zh_tw&hl=ar
I think all of your takeaways, lessons, re-lessons, whatever we're calling them, are right on the money. And you are doing what's right for you not from a place of entitlement but from an awareness of what your body is telling you (screaming at you) to focus on right now. This isn't apathy or insensitivity. It's self-preservation.
I hope the healing continues to move the way you want it to move. Grey's Anatomy is practically the only tv series I can say I've watched and enjoyed, so both thumbs up for your Derek, Meredith, Christina (et al) therapy! And hugs for you.
Your link made me smile! And thank you for making a distinction between apathy/insensitivity and self-preservation. I knew that while in the dregs, but it's nice to get confirmation from a trusted other. I watched Grey's the first few years it was on, but fell off somewhere before George died. Up to season 6 now. It feels very soapy, but I was an OG All My Children fan, so...it's a fit. 🙂
I'm glad you've found clarity and some equilibrium - but sad you've had to have such a tough time getting there. I've missed your writing xx I hope things do get better (or at least less bad) soon xx
I will take less bad, happily! Thank you for checking in with me.
What a perfect list of things that seem simple but are so hard to do in terms of treating yourself well and protecting your energy. I will keep this for reference, every day is a new challenge of late. ♥️
I'm so sorry for the new challenges. (I'm getting more practice myself. Migraine back. It was a nice 6 days without it. It is hard to put these principles into practice.)