I thought I had spurned productivity culture. I thought I had embraced simplicity and small-life living. I thought I had divorced worthiness from accomplishment. I was wrong.
Wise words, Rita. I grew up always having to keep my hands busy. It was ok to read, but you first had to get your work done. I still can’t *just* sit without feeling slightly guilty. (But I no longer iron the tea towels, so some progress has been made!)
I’m glad you’re recuperating. And congratulations on making a new home for your writing.
I'm so glad you aren't ironing your tea towels! (But don't they look so nice when we do? I ironed one the other day before embroidering on it.) I understand that feeling of difficulty with just sitting. I don't do it well, and I'm not sure if it's conditioning or wiring. Maybe both? I was so happy to just sit at first, but as my head is getting back to itself, I'm having a harder time with it.
Thanks so much for following me here. This platform is much easier for me to use, and I'm finding so many writers I appreciate.
YES. Do it just because you can. I love this for you, my dear friend.
I felt this way in 2020, when we had nowhere to go and I allowed myself to recover from perimenopause and migraines. I think that I will need to do this as I shift into the next stage of my life.
I love this new space for your writing adventure. Who knows, maybe I'll join you here someday...
Ah, 2020. I will admit that my period of extreme limitations reminded me very much of that year--and like that year, it revealed stressors I hadn't clearly seen. I'm glad you had that time; you have blossomed in the years since.
And I'll give that YES right back to you. YES, give yourself time and space to be and rest as you go through the transition in front of you. How different things might be for so many of us if we changed our ideas about transitions and realized that rest needs to be built into any major transition. Becoming a new person is hard.
I'm liking this new space, too. So much easier, and there are so many brilliant, kind writers to discover. It feels very much like the old, old days of blogging.
Your comments about living like a toddler made me laugh! I wish we all lived like toddlers! Those brains and bodies are really working hard. And despite not feeling like you were doing much - you were working hard too!! Healing is hard work. I’m just starting to feel back to my old self after my surgery in October!
I know you touched on the fact that there are many people who aren’t getting enough rest, and many people may not have access to the rest required to heal (which you addressed) but I also think we are designed to work. In your comment to Marian, you said “as my head is getting back itself, I’m having a harder time with it” and I think that it only makes sense that as your body needs less energy to heal, that it is prompting you to do something else with it.
I hope that as you continue to heal that you find your perfect balance of work/rest (goodness knows it’s always changing).
So nice to hear from you, Kate! I'm so glad to see you here. The toddler lifestyle has some definite upsides :-) I'm glad to hear that you are feeling like yourself again. I am, too. Tomorrow is yet another no-school day for us (wicked bad ice storm has closed them all week), and I feel myself getting antsy. Yes, I agree that we are made to work. I feel so full of creative energy right now! Let me know if you have any good hacks for the balance of work/rest equation. I'm sure I'll get off-kilter again before too long.
And I'm glad I made you laugh. I'm wondering if you have checked out @cronesandwich's (Catherine Newman) newsletter? She always makes me laugh, in the best way. I think you'd like her writing. (I'm sure I recommended her book We All Want Impossible Things.)
<em>I know that some of you are living through nearly untenable situations right now, the kind that break and remake you, and people you love are absolutely counting on you to be there for them.</em>
I love that line and feel like it explains so much about how life ebbs and flows. It's the breaking and remaking that keep us fresh and moving forward I believe. I've been stopped in my tracks by something unforeseen, yet looking back on it I remade myself, just like you will and have with this blog.
Substack doesn't let you use tags to enhance your comments? Well I didn't see that coming. Thought this was such a spiffy new place they'd be all over that. 😉
Yes, I feel this, too. It's not that I'm ever grateful for the breaking. (Am I glad I broke my wrist and brain? No.) But I'm grateful for the growth that can come out of it. (My time away from my regular life has given me a chance for a needed re-set.) Your comment makes me think of kintsugi, and things that I appreciate because they show signs of wear and endurance.
Hi Rita, I believe that while working on goals/ambitions are worthwhile endeavours, I equally believe in prioritizing stillness. Self-improvement can make you feel like happiness, peace and joy are on the other side of achievement. Through learning, this is not the case at all. All of those feelings can be experienced in the now if you let yourself. Live Free, Niall.
Thank you for sharing this. We are on the same page in our thinking. While I sure wish I hadn't gotten hurt, I'm really grateful for what I was able to see through the stillness my injury forced. Looking forward to having more of that by choice going forward.
100%. I shared some posts last year around the same experience. I was resisting the reality of my injury originally. Learned a tonne through that process!
Me too. I didn't want to think it was that bad, or think about what it might mean if it was. A friend sent me this yesterday: https://lithub.com/the-splintering-of-the-self-annie-liontas-on-life-after-concussion/ I am feeling so fortunate now. I'd say that there was some splintering of self for me, but in a good way. Only because I'm back to being able to read and write again. NYT had an essay from the writer Kelly Barnhill not long ago, about her long struggle to come back from multiple head injuries. That one shook me. I am realizing how important it will be to protect my head from another one.
I feel like this is one lesson I keep re-learning. Life is cyclical like that. 🌀 I am quite close to the toddler life now. I have pockets of work that needs done, but it doesn’t consume me and there’s space for living and it all feels revolutionary. Thanks for writing this.
I think that a life with pockets of work and space for living is revolutionary in these times. So happy for you to have been able to create that. I never did in the thick of parenting and working. I feel so grateful to be where I am now. But I'm still re-learning lots. 🙂
Your words come across as though they were meant for me. Thank you, and happy healing. ~Beth
Isn't it great when you see the words you need, when you need them? Thanks for letting me know that these were that for you.
Wise words, Rita. I grew up always having to keep my hands busy. It was ok to read, but you first had to get your work done. I still can’t *just* sit without feeling slightly guilty. (But I no longer iron the tea towels, so some progress has been made!)
I’m glad you’re recuperating. And congratulations on making a new home for your writing.
xo Marian
I'm so glad you aren't ironing your tea towels! (But don't they look so nice when we do? I ironed one the other day before embroidering on it.) I understand that feeling of difficulty with just sitting. I don't do it well, and I'm not sure if it's conditioning or wiring. Maybe both? I was so happy to just sit at first, but as my head is getting back to itself, I'm having a harder time with it.
Thanks so much for following me here. This platform is much easier for me to use, and I'm finding so many writers I appreciate.
YES. Do it just because you can. I love this for you, my dear friend.
I felt this way in 2020, when we had nowhere to go and I allowed myself to recover from perimenopause and migraines. I think that I will need to do this as I shift into the next stage of my life.
I love this new space for your writing adventure. Who knows, maybe I'll join you here someday...
Ah, 2020. I will admit that my period of extreme limitations reminded me very much of that year--and like that year, it revealed stressors I hadn't clearly seen. I'm glad you had that time; you have blossomed in the years since.
And I'll give that YES right back to you. YES, give yourself time and space to be and rest as you go through the transition in front of you. How different things might be for so many of us if we changed our ideas about transitions and realized that rest needs to be built into any major transition. Becoming a new person is hard.
I'm liking this new space, too. So much easier, and there are so many brilliant, kind writers to discover. It feels very much like the old, old days of blogging.
Your comments about living like a toddler made me laugh! I wish we all lived like toddlers! Those brains and bodies are really working hard. And despite not feeling like you were doing much - you were working hard too!! Healing is hard work. I’m just starting to feel back to my old self after my surgery in October!
I know you touched on the fact that there are many people who aren’t getting enough rest, and many people may not have access to the rest required to heal (which you addressed) but I also think we are designed to work. In your comment to Marian, you said “as my head is getting back itself, I’m having a harder time with it” and I think that it only makes sense that as your body needs less energy to heal, that it is prompting you to do something else with it.
I hope that as you continue to heal that you find your perfect balance of work/rest (goodness knows it’s always changing).
So glad to find you here!!
So nice to hear from you, Kate! I'm so glad to see you here. The toddler lifestyle has some definite upsides :-) I'm glad to hear that you are feeling like yourself again. I am, too. Tomorrow is yet another no-school day for us (wicked bad ice storm has closed them all week), and I feel myself getting antsy. Yes, I agree that we are made to work. I feel so full of creative energy right now! Let me know if you have any good hacks for the balance of work/rest equation. I'm sure I'll get off-kilter again before too long.
And I'm glad I made you laugh. I'm wondering if you have checked out @cronesandwich's (Catherine Newman) newsletter? She always makes me laugh, in the best way. I think you'd like her writing. (I'm sure I recommended her book We All Want Impossible Things.)
<em>I know that some of you are living through nearly untenable situations right now, the kind that break and remake you, and people you love are absolutely counting on you to be there for them.</em>
I love that line and feel like it explains so much about how life ebbs and flows. It's the breaking and remaking that keep us fresh and moving forward I believe. I've been stopped in my tracks by something unforeseen, yet looking back on it I remade myself, just like you will and have with this blog.
Substack doesn't let you use tags to enhance your comments? Well I didn't see that coming. Thought this was such a spiffy new place they'd be all over that. 😉
Yes, I feel this, too. It's not that I'm ever grateful for the breaking. (Am I glad I broke my wrist and brain? No.) But I'm grateful for the growth that can come out of it. (My time away from my regular life has given me a chance for a needed re-set.) Your comment makes me think of kintsugi, and things that I appreciate because they show signs of wear and endurance.
Hi Rita, I believe that while working on goals/ambitions are worthwhile endeavours, I equally believe in prioritizing stillness. Self-improvement can make you feel like happiness, peace and joy are on the other side of achievement. Through learning, this is not the case at all. All of those feelings can be experienced in the now if you let yourself. Live Free, Niall.
Hi Niall,
Thank you for sharing this. We are on the same page in our thinking. While I sure wish I hadn't gotten hurt, I'm really grateful for what I was able to see through the stillness my injury forced. Looking forward to having more of that by choice going forward.
100%. I shared some posts last year around the same experience. I was resisting the reality of my injury originally. Learned a tonne through that process!
Me too. I didn't want to think it was that bad, or think about what it might mean if it was. A friend sent me this yesterday: https://lithub.com/the-splintering-of-the-self-annie-liontas-on-life-after-concussion/ I am feeling so fortunate now. I'd say that there was some splintering of self for me, but in a good way. Only because I'm back to being able to read and write again. NYT had an essay from the writer Kelly Barnhill not long ago, about her long struggle to come back from multiple head injuries. That one shook me. I am realizing how important it will be to protect my head from another one.
Thanks for sharing the link. I had a friend suffer a head injury recently and we were talking about how important it is to protect it.
I feel like this is one lesson I keep re-learning. Life is cyclical like that. 🌀 I am quite close to the toddler life now. I have pockets of work that needs done, but it doesn’t consume me and there’s space for living and it all feels revolutionary. Thanks for writing this.
I think that a life with pockets of work and space for living is revolutionary in these times. So happy for you to have been able to create that. I never did in the thick of parenting and working. I feel so grateful to be where I am now. But I'm still re-learning lots. 🙂