Happy Birthday, dear Rita! Windows, portals, Yes— just wow! Wow. So grateful you were burn and so grateful to jump through windows and look through doors with you. Your writing has serious swagger- give it space to roam!
Yay to saying "Yes" and going where your writing takes you! I'm so glad we've connected through writing. I loved reading your WITD piece again here, and the specialness of your and your brother's birthdates. Happy happy birthday, to you today and to Joe at the end of the month!
Happiest of birthdays, Rita. I wish for you all these things that you are intending for yourself and that you find the expansion to be rewarding for you on the biggest level. XOXO.
Happy birthday, Rita. If my memory holds, your brother Joe went to the open house at Sylvester on your 7th grade. You introduced him while visiting math classroom. Best on your writing endeavors and on whatever you decides.
Thank you for the kind wishes, Albert. I don’t remember the 7th grade open house, but it makes sense that he would be there. Gosh, but that was a long time ago!
I’ve been reading for a long time. Haven’t commented in quite some time though.
This post brought up so many feelings.
I am exactly one year and one month younger than you. I have 5 kids - the oldest is 37. He is autistic ( as am I, but that isn’t really relevant right now ) and is getting more and more worried about what happens to him when his we, his parents, die.
He doesn’t have the best relationship with his siblings and there is one in particular - his sister who is not quite 2 years younger than him - with whom he has the most strained relationship. And the one I think that pains him the most because they were “the guys” -
until they weren’t.
It makes me so very sad. It is, I think, ultimately our fault, their parents, for not seeing well enough how much went unaddressed with our other kids.
Your post gave me a bit of hope that maybe they can make their way back to each other at some point.
Anyhow! Happy Birthday again, best wishes to your family as they navigate some really challenging times, good luck with your writing and Happy Holidays!
Oh, I would love to sit somewhere together and have a long conversation. I’m just sitting here, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, not knowing where to start. There is so much to say, and that is why I want to start writing about all of it. So, I won’t try to say everything, but just this one thing: The truth is that I did not get a lot of things I needed growing up, and that had much to do with choices I made as a young adult (some really bad ones) that I regret, but I feel so much compassion and empathy for my parents. I know they love me and were doing the best they could. They were so young, and there were so few supports for them. My children are now the age I remember my parents being, and I think of what it would mean for them to face the challenges my parents had to, with the resources they had. And it’s enough to knock me to my knees, some days. Raising, having, and loving a family member that our society has not adapted to is just hard, for everyone. (Especially when you yourself don’t quite fit, either. I know this from personal experience, too.) My parents have been a huge support to me as I’ve grappled with challenges in my adult life, and it has meant the world to me. We can only do what we can do. Wishing you all the best. Thank you for reaching out.
Happy birthday, and nice to (virtually) meet you... I've never commented before, but I discovered your writing through reading your heartfelt "In Memoriam" post about the passing of Robert Ward. My family moved to a new address at the end of 2019, and our new address was still receiving letters for The Bellowing Ark Press and for Robert Ward and Paula Milligan. The fact that these weren't forwarded to somewhere else made me curious enough to do some internet searching, which led me to discover some of the wonderful works that have been published by Bellowing Ark, and also to your blog. Seems we'd moved into a home which used to be owned by very interesting people.
It's sad to hear that they have passed on, and your memoriam post had me contemplating life and difficult things, and even tearful for someone I'd never met.
I don't really want to make this too long or derail too much, so I'll say I appreciate your writings very much. It's always nice to rediscover that there are people in the world whose words resonate with me...
No derailing at all. Your note here means so much to me. Your house was owned by very interesting people, and they often filled it with other interesting people. I don't know what state it was in when you first saw it, but the living room (front of the house) and the back room (behind the kitchen, with the sliding doors to the back yard) used to be filled with tall bookshelves. Not lined, but filled. The back room also had a large table, for gathering around. I got to be there only a few times, but I have such fond memories of sitting in the back room with Robert, drinking tea and talking and watching the many birds that inhabited the wild back yard. I love to think that their home is now the home for someone who cares about words. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Truly a highlight of my day.
Happy Birthday Rita! I’ve so enjoyed your posts that come into my email in box, even though I don’t usually comment. I do hope you continue to keep us updated. I so look forward to what you bring to the world.
I’ll be 72 in a few short months, and I have had time these past two years to reflect and choose what’s important for the remaining windows of opportunities I have and try not to have many instances of regrets of things I wished I’d done.
Here’s to a wonderful year for you and your brother. 🥂
It is always nice to hear from you, and to know that you are reading along. I'm sure I'll keep updating here. Just wanted to acknowledge the pull to something else, and my limitations. Like you say here, I want to not have regrets about things I wish I'd done. I enjoy interacting with others here too much to let it go completely.
Happy Birthday! This post is so beautiful and wise. I’m in your corner and whatever comes for either of us in terms of writing these words, I’m glad Substack connected us. 🥰🎂🫂
I am so glad, too. I love your writing. I'm sure that if we'd somehow ended up in the same schools, we'd have been good teacher friends. I'm so glad I made the move to Substack, which has connected me with kindred spirits I'd never have "met" otherwise.
I am always amazed, every single time I tune in here, at how much what you writes resonates with me. This week I started the process to pursue a SS disability determination for one of my kids, and much of the past year has been spent trying to figure out what this child's future will look like. I am glad to hear that your brother has found some modicum of happiness in where he has ended up.
I send you the happiest of birthday wishes, and I can't wait to see how this creative invitation works out.
I am wishing you the best with SS and with your child and their future. I have been in the process of adjusting to a different reality for one of my children's future than I once imagined. (Sorry to be so vague, but that's really all I feel comfortable sharing in a public space.) I am so glad we connected now so many years ago. I remember when your kids were all so little, and even though I've never met them, I have such fond feelings for them from your writing and holiday cards. Sending you all love and wishes for heaps of happiness.
Oh...Rita! Happy new decade to you, friend, and a big round of applause for what is unfolding for you! I don't think I knew you had already published a book, but I'm delighted to know you now as you embark on wherever the next wave of creative inspiration takes you. These lines feel especially potent to me: "I’ve realized the ways in which the picture of each of our lives has always been a reflection of the other’s. I have been wondering what it might do to turn and face that reality, rather than try to escape it." The disembodied, energetic life form is, from my vantage point, not entirely disembodied anymore, and it feels, somehow, radiant. So happy for you!
Thanks for providing an off ramp for yourself and us, as needed, here. I expect I will stick around. I wouldn't want to miss any part of this story! 🥂
Thank you so much, Elizabeth! I hope the off-ramp is leading to one of those roads that run alongside a highway. (Dang, the word for them is escaping me! We don't really have them in this part of the country, but I've seen them all over Louisiana...). Anyway, one of those roads that goes where the highway goes, but the speed limit is slower and traffic is lighter. 🙂 I've gotten so much from being here (new writing friends, which I sorely needed); I know I'm not leaving. We all need each other now more than ever, don't we?
Your writing of late has been infused with something—that aliveness Jeannine writes about—and I love that you are going to follow it, and see what you unearth; explore this desire of yours to write differently than you’ve been. I’ve been feeling that pull, too, of late.
Oh, friend, just when I think your writing can't possibly get any more beautiful, it does. First, happy birthday! This is such a milestone, and you're celebrating it during such a tumultuous time. I turned 50 during the lockdown, and I truly believe there's power in going through something like that. We're chosen for it, and there's strength in that.
I understand what you're feeling about being far from your family—wanting to help, but also having your own family to take care of. I’m right in the middle of that too. Still raw from caring for and losing my dad, looking after my mom, and meeting Ella’s needs... Last night, I felt that literal pull regarding a situation. I’m sending you so much love as you navigate that, and know that I’m here for you whenever you need me.
I am so incredibly proud of you and this journey your writing has taken us, the reader, on. The idea of a book for you excites me so much! I've loved reading your work in this space this year. You've been such a source of healing for me, Rita. Thank you. 😘❤️
We’re helping each other through, aren’t we? Because your writing has helped me more than you know. You are really truly in the thick of that sandwich everyone likes to talk about, with a child still in your nest. I think it is because mine are living in their own now that this is even happening for me. I’m not committing to a book, just to following a path. Trying to remain really open to wherever it might go. So glad we’re on our journeys together.💜
Rita, I am flooded with cliches, trying to respond -- "heart-breaking," "moving" -- I am grateful you had the courage to write this, while doing the hard work of healing (when you might have justified not doing anything more). I feel lucky to know you. I'd like to send you Patricia Fargnoli's "Necessary Light," her first book, which includes a poem "at sixty" -- the world truly, truly needs to hear more from you. (I'll look for your address, but may have to email.)
I am so grateful our paths crossed in Nelson's workshop, and that somehow they crossed again so many years later. Your encouragement and faith in my work mean more to me than I can express. I've been looking up to you for almost 40 years now. Isn't that amazing?
Happy Birthday, dear Rita! Windows, portals, Yes— just wow! Wow. So grateful you were burn and so grateful to jump through windows and look through doors with you. Your writing has serious swagger- give it space to roam!
Thank you, Emily! I am grateful for this shared journey with you, too. 💕
Happy birthday, Rita!! I can't wait to see what comes forth from your accepting of this creative invitation.
Thank you, Peg! So glad to have found you and to share a writing life with you.
Yay to saying "Yes" and going where your writing takes you! I'm so glad we've connected through writing. I loved reading your WITD piece again here, and the specialness of your and your brother's birthdates. Happy happy birthday, to you today and to Joe at the end of the month!
I am so glad, too! Thank you for the birthday wishes 💕
Happiest of birthdays, Rita. I wish for you all these things that you are intending for yourself and that you find the expansion to be rewarding for you on the biggest level. XOXO.
Thank you, Kate! Just to get here feels like all the big I need. 🙂 And that's a great feeling.
Happy Birthday and best to you with your new trail. At 57, so much of what you shared in this thoughtful essay rang true to me. Thank you.
Ah, IYKYK, right? Thank you for the good wishes, and good luck with your own ventures.
Happy birthday, Rita. If my memory holds, your brother Joe went to the open house at Sylvester on your 7th grade. You introduced him while visiting math classroom. Best on your writing endeavors and on whatever you decides.
Thank you for the kind wishes, Albert. I don’t remember the 7th grade open house, but it makes sense that he would be there. Gosh, but that was a long time ago!
Happy Birthday!
I’ve been reading for a long time. Haven’t commented in quite some time though.
This post brought up so many feelings.
I am exactly one year and one month younger than you. I have 5 kids - the oldest is 37. He is autistic ( as am I, but that isn’t really relevant right now ) and is getting more and more worried about what happens to him when his we, his parents, die.
He doesn’t have the best relationship with his siblings and there is one in particular - his sister who is not quite 2 years younger than him - with whom he has the most strained relationship. And the one I think that pains him the most because they were “the guys” -
until they weren’t.
It makes me so very sad. It is, I think, ultimately our fault, their parents, for not seeing well enough how much went unaddressed with our other kids.
Your post gave me a bit of hope that maybe they can make their way back to each other at some point.
Anyhow! Happy Birthday again, best wishes to your family as they navigate some really challenging times, good luck with your writing and Happy Holidays!
Oh, I would love to sit somewhere together and have a long conversation. I’m just sitting here, my fingers hovering over the keyboard, not knowing where to start. There is so much to say, and that is why I want to start writing about all of it. So, I won’t try to say everything, but just this one thing: The truth is that I did not get a lot of things I needed growing up, and that had much to do with choices I made as a young adult (some really bad ones) that I regret, but I feel so much compassion and empathy for my parents. I know they love me and were doing the best they could. They were so young, and there were so few supports for them. My children are now the age I remember my parents being, and I think of what it would mean for them to face the challenges my parents had to, with the resources they had. And it’s enough to knock me to my knees, some days. Raising, having, and loving a family member that our society has not adapted to is just hard, for everyone. (Especially when you yourself don’t quite fit, either. I know this from personal experience, too.) My parents have been a huge support to me as I’ve grappled with challenges in my adult life, and it has meant the world to me. We can only do what we can do. Wishing you all the best. Thank you for reaching out.
Wishing you a very happy birthday, Rita—and best of luck in this new writing adventure!
Thank you, Marian 💕
Happy birthday, and nice to (virtually) meet you... I've never commented before, but I discovered your writing through reading your heartfelt "In Memoriam" post about the passing of Robert Ward. My family moved to a new address at the end of 2019, and our new address was still receiving letters for The Bellowing Ark Press and for Robert Ward and Paula Milligan. The fact that these weren't forwarded to somewhere else made me curious enough to do some internet searching, which led me to discover some of the wonderful works that have been published by Bellowing Ark, and also to your blog. Seems we'd moved into a home which used to be owned by very interesting people.
It's sad to hear that they have passed on, and your memoriam post had me contemplating life and difficult things, and even tearful for someone I'd never met.
I don't really want to make this too long or derail too much, so I'll say I appreciate your writings very much. It's always nice to rediscover that there are people in the world whose words resonate with me...
No derailing at all. Your note here means so much to me. Your house was owned by very interesting people, and they often filled it with other interesting people. I don't know what state it was in when you first saw it, but the living room (front of the house) and the back room (behind the kitchen, with the sliding doors to the back yard) used to be filled with tall bookshelves. Not lined, but filled. The back room also had a large table, for gathering around. I got to be there only a few times, but I have such fond memories of sitting in the back room with Robert, drinking tea and talking and watching the many birds that inhabited the wild back yard. I love to think that their home is now the home for someone who cares about words. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Truly a highlight of my day.
Happy Birthday Rita! I’ve so enjoyed your posts that come into my email in box, even though I don’t usually comment. I do hope you continue to keep us updated. I so look forward to what you bring to the world.
I’ll be 72 in a few short months, and I have had time these past two years to reflect and choose what’s important for the remaining windows of opportunities I have and try not to have many instances of regrets of things I wished I’d done.
Here’s to a wonderful year for you and your brother. 🥂
It is always nice to hear from you, and to know that you are reading along. I'm sure I'll keep updating here. Just wanted to acknowledge the pull to something else, and my limitations. Like you say here, I want to not have regrets about things I wish I'd done. I enjoy interacting with others here too much to let it go completely.
Happy Birthday! This post is so beautiful and wise. I’m in your corner and whatever comes for either of us in terms of writing these words, I’m glad Substack connected us. 🥰🎂🫂
I am so glad, too. I love your writing. I'm sure that if we'd somehow ended up in the same schools, we'd have been good teacher friends. I'm so glad I made the move to Substack, which has connected me with kindred spirits I'd never have "met" otherwise.
🫂🥰🤗 Agreed!
I am always amazed, every single time I tune in here, at how much what you writes resonates with me. This week I started the process to pursue a SS disability determination for one of my kids, and much of the past year has been spent trying to figure out what this child's future will look like. I am glad to hear that your brother has found some modicum of happiness in where he has ended up.
I send you the happiest of birthday wishes, and I can't wait to see how this creative invitation works out.
I am wishing you the best with SS and with your child and their future. I have been in the process of adjusting to a different reality for one of my children's future than I once imagined. (Sorry to be so vague, but that's really all I feel comfortable sharing in a public space.) I am so glad we connected now so many years ago. I remember when your kids were all so little, and even though I've never met them, I have such fond feelings for them from your writing and holiday cards. Sending you all love and wishes for heaps of happiness.
Oh...Rita! Happy new decade to you, friend, and a big round of applause for what is unfolding for you! I don't think I knew you had already published a book, but I'm delighted to know you now as you embark on wherever the next wave of creative inspiration takes you. These lines feel especially potent to me: "I’ve realized the ways in which the picture of each of our lives has always been a reflection of the other’s. I have been wondering what it might do to turn and face that reality, rather than try to escape it." The disembodied, energetic life form is, from my vantage point, not entirely disembodied anymore, and it feels, somehow, radiant. So happy for you!
Thanks for providing an off ramp for yourself and us, as needed, here. I expect I will stick around. I wouldn't want to miss any part of this story! 🥂
Thank you so much, Elizabeth! I hope the off-ramp is leading to one of those roads that run alongside a highway. (Dang, the word for them is escaping me! We don't really have them in this part of the country, but I've seen them all over Louisiana...). Anyway, one of those roads that goes where the highway goes, but the speed limit is slower and traffic is lighter. 🙂 I've gotten so much from being here (new writing friends, which I sorely needed); I know I'm not leaving. We all need each other now more than ever, don't we?
We sure do!
And do you mean a service road?
Go into the portal!!! This was a wonderful read, Rita. I’m so glad to have crossed paths.
This made me smile! I'm going in! I'm so glad our paths have crossed, too.
Your writing of late has been infused with something—that aliveness Jeannine writes about—and I love that you are going to follow it, and see what you unearth; explore this desire of yours to write differently than you’ve been. I’ve been feeling that pull, too, of late.
I so much saw that in your recent close reading! I hope you can follow that pull. I think it’s taking you to a good place.
Oh, friend, just when I think your writing can't possibly get any more beautiful, it does. First, happy birthday! This is such a milestone, and you're celebrating it during such a tumultuous time. I turned 50 during the lockdown, and I truly believe there's power in going through something like that. We're chosen for it, and there's strength in that.
I understand what you're feeling about being far from your family—wanting to help, but also having your own family to take care of. I’m right in the middle of that too. Still raw from caring for and losing my dad, looking after my mom, and meeting Ella’s needs... Last night, I felt that literal pull regarding a situation. I’m sending you so much love as you navigate that, and know that I’m here for you whenever you need me.
I am so incredibly proud of you and this journey your writing has taken us, the reader, on. The idea of a book for you excites me so much! I've loved reading your work in this space this year. You've been such a source of healing for me, Rita. Thank you. 😘❤️
We’re helping each other through, aren’t we? Because your writing has helped me more than you know. You are really truly in the thick of that sandwich everyone likes to talk about, with a child still in your nest. I think it is because mine are living in their own now that this is even happening for me. I’m not committing to a book, just to following a path. Trying to remain really open to wherever it might go. So glad we’re on our journeys together.💜
Rita, I am flooded with cliches, trying to respond -- "heart-breaking," "moving" -- I am grateful you had the courage to write this, while doing the hard work of healing (when you might have justified not doing anything more). I feel lucky to know you. I'd like to send you Patricia Fargnoli's "Necessary Light," her first book, which includes a poem "at sixty" -- the world truly, truly needs to hear more from you. (I'll look for your address, but may have to email.)
I am so grateful our paths crossed in Nelson's workshop, and that somehow they crossed again so many years later. Your encouragement and faith in my work mean more to me than I can express. I've been looking up to you for almost 40 years now. Isn't that amazing?